Bishop Beckstrand's Journey: March 5, 2014 Long post alert!!!!!

There have been a few things going on since I last posted so here goes. Ron has been struggling a bit with his BP and keeping fluids in so last Friday we ended back in the acute care. His BP was on the very low side and he was very dehydrated as well. Not feeling well at all. So they did more tests, took blood and gave him 3 liters of IV fluids, and needless to say that made him feel much better. Home again for a fun weekend with Lindsey and the kids.

On Tuesday March 4th we met with Dr. Agarwal. Took more blood and made sure we had every thing set up for his new chemo drug. It's a process to get all the insurance and paper work done. But we did it and the new chemo will be delivered on Friday for him to begin. And just a side note they actually are calling it a chemo this time. The others were referred to as target therapy, not that it really makes that big of a difference but I thought it was interesting. After meeting with the doctor we went to the infusion room for a few hours of more fluids and iron. Then we got to go home. So we will wait until Friday and then begin a new journey. Ron has been glad to have a break from the side effects of the last drug and we are hoping that the new drug will have less side effects but you just never know. The one thing that we have noticed is that now that he is still experiencing pain we know that it is not caused from the drug but unfortunately from the cancer.

He has his MRI (brain scan) a week from Friday and we will get results the following Tuesday, so more waiting. But we are getting use to that.

I have been so blessed to get to meet so many people who have very similar trials in their lives and it has been so helpful for us both. There are some really amazing people in the world who have shown me that we can all do hard things. I have found a sight called "Kidney Cancer Warriors" It's a place to go and ask questions, give encouragement, ask for prayers, tell your story or just vent on a bad day. I saw a post the other day that pretty much sums up exactly the way Ron and I have felt about this journey. I asked her permission to share her thoughts on Ron's blog and she was kind enough to give me permission. So I just copied it from her post and am re-posting it here. I hope it gives you all the same amount of encouragement that it gave to Ron and I.

"I have learned to appreciate the beauty of a rainbow. I have learned that to enjoy rainbows however, I must first endure the rain. Never has that been more true than on 03/04/05. This date might not mean much to many people, other than the fact that it is a sequence of cool numbers. This date to me, however, means the difference between life and death—MY life and MY death. You see, it is the date I had my left radical nephrectomy, just 6 days after my world was turned upside down and I found out I had kidney cancer—renal cell carcinoma to be exact. Nine years ago today I was undergoing this major surgery in the hopes that my cancer would be eradicated. On that day, I lost my left kidney, my sense of what a normal life was supposed to be and always had been, and the thought that my mortality was a long way away and not something I needed to be concerned about. After all, I was only 35, just had my fourth child four months prior, and was the epitome of good health.

Oh how my world was almost shattered nine years ago today—ALMOST. I say almost because through this difficult, life-threatening time, I learned more about my faith, the power of prayer, determination, compassion, how fragile and unpredictable life can be, and what an unbelievable network of family and friends I had. But most of all, I learned about HOPE, what life was really all about, the important things I needed to focus on, and about the blessings that cancer would bring into my life. Yes, blessings, because cancer has given me many blessings despite the curses it has also brought. Cancer brought people into my life I never would have known otherwise—people who have become some of my best friends and support and people I have come to admire very much. It showed me a love that I have witnessed and probably never would have appreciated as much before the “C” word. It has given me incredible strength I never would have thought possible for me to possess. Cancer has also given me courage I never knew I had.

As a friend of mine once shared, “cancer has become an unexpected detour on my life’s journey”. It has given me time to reflect on many things and to study the real lessons of life. Probably two of the hardest lessons I have had to learn though this were to try not to give in to fear or to be discouraged by setbacks. You see, any setbacks in life are often times chances to review the lessons we are all supposed to be learning.

Cancer has left me with many scars and taken a toll on my health, and I am often frustrated by what I look like compared to my healthy years, but I remind myself every day that these scars are the brushstrokes in the masterpiece of my life--a reminder of what I have battled through, and survived. And it could always be worse—always! As difficult and painful as this journey can be (both physically and mentally), it is all a reminder that in the real scheme of life I am just grateful to live another day.

Nine years ago on this date I begged my doctors to “promise” me I would be around for a long time because my kids needed their mom. They were only 8, 5, 3 years old and 4 months old. They needed me, but probably more importantly I needed them. I wanted to be here to kiss their boo boos, wipe away their tears at their first relationship heartaches. I wanted to see important milestones--graduations, weddings, and someday my grand babies. I was crushed--devastated--when every single one of them told me they weren’t in the promise-making business and couldn’t guarantee me six months and certainly not more. I was determined then to make the most of every day I am given.

I know that I am not in control of this situation, and sometimes that is what makes this so frustrating and difficult. But I try to remember to enjoy the gift of every day because it is a present, and I want to enjoy this gift for as long as possible. For my fellow warriors, and in remembrance of those who have gone ahead of me, for my friends, for my family, and especially for my kids, I pray I have provided hope and that I have educated, advocated, and supported all of you through this as you have me. If anything can be gained from this misfortune, I hope that my journey in some way helps pave the way for others facing cancer, and that one day very soon we will find a cure for all cancers. “While I have cancer, cancer will NOT have me”. Happy cancerversary to me! I will gladly accept and celebrate one day at a time, or nine years at a time--many, many times over please! 03/04/14. A date I am ever so grateful to be here to celebrate. -Melinda Dale Emmerd

As you can tell from these inspired words we are never alone in our fight. And that is true no matter what kind of fight you may be in!

So we will keep having FAITH in all things and know that we are being watched over and we will follow the direction that we are taken.

"Faith is the bird that sings when the dawn is still dark"